


my forever's falling down (wondering if you'd want me now)

by nightraid



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: 2YEON - Freeform, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Angst, F/F, Unfinished, kinda abandoned, literally ends before the ending, please read the first notes before scrolling through, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28958490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightraid/pseuds/nightraid
Summary: Nayeon shifts from her position and stops swaying to a song that never seems to finish. “Spin me.”Jeongyeon almost chokes.“Spin- What?”Nayeon senses the panic in Jeongyeon’s voice, she swipes a finger on one of her loose bangs. Making Jeongyeon look at her clearly. “Spin me.” Nayeon repeats, she’s bold.There’s a delay before Jeongyeon replies in action. She pulls out her right hand from Nayeon’s waist and takes velvet and slender fingers between her thumb. She pauses, breathes sharply, then twirls Nayeon like a princess. The movement is swift and fluid, lasts a couple of seconds, but too fast that it’s almost funny. Nayeon makes her repeat it. Jeongyeon turns her again but at a pace too slow this time.Nayeon doesn’t complain. She’s used to slow. (She’s used to never.)
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 9
Kudos: 7





	my forever's falling down (wondering if you'd want me now)

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!PLEASE READ THIS!!!!
> 
> this is an unfinished and unedited work back in nov 2020. it was originally a gift for a friend but i've lost inspiration while working on it and i didn't want to half ass the ending. i'm posting it because i didnt want it to rot in my drafts forever, i worked hard for it and kinda wanted criticism lol (that is, if someone /actually/ reads this abandoned mess)
> 
> i'm sorry in advance for the grammatical or spelling errors (literally half way in the fic it goes from past to present tense lmao) as i worked on this at like 2am because i had school and took so much naps T__T. (also: i was already losing interest in the fic at the mimo part so that part was prettyyyy rushed.) 
> 
> i'm also sorry for my friend if you stumble on this fic, i really wanted to finish this but all my inspiration and will for it just disappeared. i am also bad at time management soooo aksdsjhfd. maybe one day i'll go and edit this to finish it, but for now that possibility is close to a zero. 
> 
> sorry, again. now feel free to exit / scroll :]

They were seventeen when it started, or when they knew what they were getting into. They were seventeen when they ran off in the middle of the night, with no specific place to go or plans to follow. Nayeon and Jeongyeon were seventeen when something lit up between them. A flame that was already hot enough to burn dry grass, eventually spreading into wildfire

Jeongyeon remembers it as clear as water. Like a song stuck in her head all day. A melody that never stops. Looks back at the touches, the words, the scenery. The dim white lights of the convenience store and the sound of coins that shook together in her then worn-out wallet. Nayeon’s adrenaline-filled state, her leg that bounced and hands that twitched every other second.

It plays like a movie. One that Jeongyeon rewinds and rewatches and pauses but never skips through. 

\--

“Are we really doing this?” Jeongyeon’s tone was filled with uncertainty. She tugged on her forest green hoodie and pulled the sleeves close to her trembling fingers.

“I don’t see any harm in it,” Nayeon laughed. It’s music to Jeongyeon’s ears, having memorized the pitches and strains of her voice. They walked a few more steps on the pavement before Nayeon continued. Her eyes stared at Jeongyeon’s own, moonlight reflected from above. “besides, we’ll be back before dawn.”

It was silent for the rest of the walk to God-knows-where. They basked in the sound of air, its murmurs stayed on their skins. Jeongyeon found herself staring at Nayeon some time during, having painted Nayeon on her head that day. Draws the light gray beanie, the unbleached sweater, and the striped pajama pants on an imaginary canvas. Details her eye bags, the cheeks filled with words only Jeongyeon would hear, the bunny teeth smile she’d kill anyone for. Streaks out lines of black to create Nayeon’s hair, which smells like lavender and vanilla and everything Jeongyeon has ever wanted.

“You’re staring at me,” Nayeon was smug, lips half turned upwards to create a smirk complete with daring eyes. She abruptly stopped in the middle of walking, just before the stop light and the pedestrian lane.

Jeongyeon pulled at her sleeves, cheeks littered with growing cherry blossoms. The vibrant red glow of the post before her illuminated Nayeon’s features. 

“....I don’t see any harm in it.” She got a slap on the arm after. Nayeon stuck her tongue out and called her a copycat.

There were ten seconds left for the lane to become safe to walk to when Jeongyeon whispered something under her breath, something she would figure to regret and learn from in the future. She swiped her tongue on her bottom lip before she spoke, like she was giving signs for Nayeon to hear.

Nayeon tapped her foot repeatedly on the ground.

“You’re pretty.” 

Nayeon stopped tapping for a millisecond. There are things she would rather take to the grave. The light goes green and they walk-- she doesn’t look back.

\--

The other thing Jeongyeon remembers are the days after. Albeit not very clear as it passes with motion blur. It all begins to get hazy at this point. Jeongyeon doesn’t recall the exact order. It’s jumbled up and messy and confusing. She needs to squint and let her brain fix its bolts for a while, making the edges and pixels clear. Lowers the volume and maximizes it. Changes the angles and tints the lighting. 

Jeongyeon watches til clip number six. She deems the number six cursed. It’s perfect and imperfect and flawless and filled with flaws. 

Part six starts when the sun sets. When Jeongyeon sets her heart on a platter.

\--

They’re inside Nayeon’s room, because sleepovers are the _best thing that ever existed!_ Nayeon’s on the bed propped on her arms. Dark hair covered the half of her face. Her glasses nearly slipped out when she pushed her face closer on the book she’s reading. 

Jeongyeon sat on Nayeon’s study table just a meter away. A chewed pencil held with her dominant arm. 

“Jeongie-ah, this book is so fucking dumb.” Nayeon sighed, tone filled with exasperation.

Jeongyeon raised an eyebrow and made a 180 from Nayeon’s swivel chair, a bubble of giggles erupted from her chest, “What is it now? Annoying plot? Stupid protagonists?”

Nayeon placed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Stupid protagonist.” Jeongyeon doesn’t reply, making Nayeon go on to her little rant. Nayeon looked somewhat adorable, the hand movements she used to emphasize her story increased the adorable-meter in Jeongyeon’s head.

She went on for a few more minutes. Jeongyeon heard the word “fucking” and “dumb” about fifty times during the spiel. 

“He’s so dumb,” Nayeon’s voice is softened. Scared for the other words to come out. There’s a cough and Nayeon used it as a signal to continue.

“He’s clearly in love with her,” She looked at Jeongyeon for any signs of discomfort. Jeongyeon is still, but hums a mhm anyway. “yet, he- they’re not… they’re not doing anything.”

Jeongyeon feels a thousand blows on her abdomen. There’s a sudden pressure in her chest, one that makes her drown. She raises her hand above the waters and tries to gasp for air. Nayeon isn’t supposed to hear clearly under the water, but she hears Jeongyeon coherently. Making out the words with the water’s vibrations.

“Maybe they don’t want to.” 

Jeongyeon stands up, takes small steps to Nayeon’s bed before laying down next to her. Staring at the broken solar system model on the ceiling. Replays the memory of her accidentally knocking the project off Nayeon’s arms a few years bck in middle school. “Maybe they’d rather things stay like that.”

The bed shifts and Jeongyeon feels the sheets under her back rustle. There’s a thud beside her and Nayeon is laying down. She reaches out to the figure of the sun, there’s tape on the middle and there are faint cracks near the sides. It reminds her of them.

“What’s the point, then?”

“Of?”

“Of liking them,” Nayeon is genuinely curious. Her fingers graze on the air, counting the planets and the moon. 

Nayeon must be doing some insane magic spell on the air, because the air shifts and it’s heavy and hot-- scalding, like the sun. Jeongyeon feels like sweating and her throat dries. There’s thumbleweeds and camels and sandstorms. Nayeon must really be a wizard as her hand quickly discover Jeongyeon's. She squeezes it once, gives Jeongyeon a message that says i’m sorry. She squeezes it again, this time it means _answer me._

“I don’t know.” Jeongyeon lets go of Nayeon, balling her fist. Regret fills her swiftly. She pretends she doesn’t see Nayeon recoil. Jeongyeon is honest. _I don’t know._

Nayeon holds on to the sheets instead. It’s cold on her fingers. Her nails dig through the linen. 

“Me too.” Nayeon glances at Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon glances back. Dirty-white ceiling forgotten. Jeongyeon smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Something behind her breast quakes, like castle walls torn down by cannons. 

They go back to the ceiling. Nayeon’s breathing is erratic. No one brings it up. Because it’s better that way. She focuses on Venus, it’s one of the only planets left unbroken. Mars is missing. Mars is them.

(They know why. They know exactly why.)

\--

They’re a couple years older now. More mature and knowledgeable about the world. Jeongyeon takes on filming in a place miles afar. Nayeon pursues singing. Teenage Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s dreams are fulfilled. They live with each other in an apartment just regular enough to house two. 

They don’t know who initiated it. How Jeongyeon’s phone is thrown to the couch. A bluetooth speaker plays near the television. IU sings her music. Bare feet are touching the carpeted floor.

Nayeon places her hand on Jeongyeon’s shoulder. Jeongyeon’s skin forms tiny bumps, the thin hairs standing erect. The muscle below her ribs nimbly beats. Nayeon smoothens the pad of her shoulder and Jeongyeon freezes. Heels glue to the ground. 

She opens her mouth to speak, but Nayeon is quick-witted. Knows the words that would come out of her mouth. It’s etched into her brain like a prayer. No-- more like a greeting. A hello automatically spoken to passing strangers. A goodbye whispered to leaving ones. 

“Sh,” Nayeon looks at her with heavy eyes. Black irises that are void of any other emotions but tiredness and melancholy. Jeongyeon’s grip relaxes on Nayeon’s waist. “don’t.”

Jeongyeon’s lips slowly close. The room is spinning and it’s warm. She hears the honks and beeps from the traffic below their apartment. Makes it fill her ears. Drowns the music and the soft breathing of her’s and Nayeon’s. Pretends Nayeon isn’t inching closer to her chest. She dances around shards of glass, a pit of fire, tiny red ants threatening to sting. Nayeon follows. Steps the same footsteps Jeongyeon leaves on the sand. It’s a dance that never halts, one they force themselves to participate in. A special performance only the two of them recognize.

If it’s the same dance now, Jeongyeon doesn’t know. Even if Nayeon’s head finds its way close to Jeongyeon’s chest. Even if Nayeon chooses to drown out the music with the sound of Jeongyeon’s heart. _It might be,_ she ponders, while looking at the pedestrians crossing the lanes, she gives them stories of where they come from and where they’re headed to. It might be. _It might as well be._

Jeongyeon looks back at Nayeon. Realizes that her hand has been absentmindedly rubbing circles on Nayeon’s stomach. She wants to speak up again. Ask, _what are we doing?_

(She doesn’t.)

Nayeon shifts from her position and stops swaying to a song that never seems to finish. “Spin me.”

Jeongyeon almost chokes. 

“Spin- What?”

Nayeon senses the panic in Jeongyeon’s voice, she swipes a finger on one of her loose bangs. Making Jeongyeon look at her clearly. “Spin me.” Nayeon repeats, she’s bold.

There’s a delay before Jeongyeon replies in action. She pulls out her right hand from Nayeon’s waist and takes velvet and slender fingers between her thumb. She pauses, breathes sharply, then twirls Nayeon like a princess. The movement is swift and fluid, lasts a couple of seconds, but too fast that it’s almost funny. Nayeon makes her repeat it. Jeongyeon turns her again but at a pace too slow this time. 

Nayeon doesn’t complain. She’s used to slow. (She’s used to never.)

IU’s voice still echoes on the walls. A mere two and a half minutes have only passed yet Jeongyeon thinks of it as an eternity. One where she could get lost with Nayeon. A never ending present where the future is never mentioned, where the past is forgotten. They go back to their first position, except Jeongyeon has both of her arms holding Nayeon close. She props her chin above soft, brown hair.

They sway together. Hips alternating left and right in weak movements. One of the final notes of _Through the Night_ fades. No one is letting go. 

The song repeats. This time Jeongyeon tugs Nayeon closer. 

It’s Nayeon who lets go the third time around, tells Jeongyeon she has to sleep. Jeongyeon pretends her shirt isn’t stained by faint tears, pretends Nayeon’s eyes aren’t filled with waves. Waves that crash rocks and sand, waves that tear through Jeongyeon’s hearing. Jeongyeon ignores these waves. Ignores the ringing in her ears and says _goodnight._

The song repeats. It loops endlessly. Jeongyeon pauses it before stepping to her own room. Not before she glances at Nayeon's door. Where she pushes down something underneath her chest, a place it’ll always belong.

Their dance repeats. Looping around an open box of pins. Of spikes. Thorns.

_(Every time, I close my eyes  
And it takes me away to the farthest place.) _

\--

To be fair, Jeongyeon is the one who takes responsibility for stuff like these. The one who excels in taking impulsive risks and digging straight down. But she knows she had it coming, anyway. Has seen it running to her ever since their convenience store trip. Has seen it running the first time she hears Nayeon say Hello.

A gentle voice in her head is begging her not to. Not to card her fingers within Nayeon’s. Not to let her toes get magnetized to Nayeon’s. Not to tilt her head up and down when Nayeon requests her something. Not to do anything Nayeon does. _Not to do anything Nayeon._

There’s a figure on each of her shoulders. One sports the shade of blue. Tells her to calm and wait and _feel._ Breathe in and focus on things other than squishy cheeks and bunny teeth. The other wears a proud red. Blaring and angry. Takes her sight and leaves her breathless. Today, Nayeon is wearing red. Just like any other day, Jeongyeon chooses red. 

Jeongyeon’s fear of falling never really… left. There’s still that vertigo that comes when she looks down from a building a little too long. The beads of sweat rolling down her neck when she almost trips. Nayeon doesn’t bug her, she understands and learns. Except this very instance, perhaps. They’re on the rooftop of the new apartment they bought. 

She’s wearing Nayeon’s beanie. Nayeon says it’ll give her some of her braveness. Jeongyeon thinks otherwise, she has always wanted to borrow the clothing. It’s a trade which she accepts.

The clouds cover the apricot star above. Only its rays are seen and it doesn’t touch a single one of them. Nayeon sips from a bottle of water and places her bottom on the cement, using her arms for support.

“Sit down, Jeong.”

Birds sing from the horizon. There are shouts that are faint yet loud enough for them to hear. A gush of cool air takes residence on their skins. Emitting tiny bumps on their arms and legs. They speak of the future, about Jeongyeon’s dream of directing and Nayeon being a world-wide star. It’s pretty far-fetched, Nayeon is almost shy when speaking of it. Almost. (Her ego is too big for her to confess that.) 

Then comes the topic they always fancy avoiding. Where they’re the opponents in dodgeball. Because the future also means meeting someone and settling down with them. Because they can’t be roommates forever. They’ll eventually move on and the pinky promise of a decade ago is bound to be broken. 

It’s a joke at first. Nayeon smiles between her teeth, says, “We have to find a... _someone_ soon or we’ll end up dying alone.” She breathes out a puff through her nose.

Jeongyeon doesn’t respond at first, eyes far at the light blue with the corner of her lip just in the tiniest bit creasing. She forces a chuckle out. It hits too close to home. Nayeon is brave and swings a homerun. Jeongyeon mutes out the audience’s roars.

“You have me,” She’s tiptoeing on a tightrope with a blindfold on. “you’ll always have me, Nay.”

“I know.”

Nayeon turns her head to blonde hair and rosy cheeks. They lock eyes for a while, suddenly they’re in her bedroom then there’s that kiss and the countless apologies after. Inside, Jeongyeon feels a tornado. The whip of air and the flying debris. Noise like an eagle’s scream. It breaks her ribs, breaks her chest, knocks her lungs out. Twists her stomach like a rag to dry. The whirlwind comes in the form of, _I know. That’s why I’m afraid._

She isn’t damaged enough to not reply. Her heart still thumps. Gives blood to her brain, the tip of her nails, up to the pulses on her neck. There are options before her like a video game, to ask why, to ask what, to ask how. Jeongyeon settles on why. She needs the topic to end, _why_ is the closest to that.

“Because,” Nayeon deliberates on an answer. It’s enough time for Jeongyeon to map her features. There’s a scar under her eyebrow and a burn mark near her chin. Gives it a story. Makes up Nayeon of the royal kingdom. The princess with a scar caused by escaping from war and mayhem. Makes up Nayeon of the bakery on the corner street. It’s a big gap from the previous one. In here she takes out pastries too late, recoils while holding the tray and ends up scorching her chin. Jeongyeon is in both stories, the knight, the handmaiden, the stranger in crossroads, the cashier, the customer, the one who cleans Nayeon’s injuries. “you’ll get tired of me.”

“....So much of me is in you and so much of you is in me. I’m scared of myself, scared of the both of us, Jeong. It’s like… like we’ll never get separated and _it scares me._ ‘Cause what if we do, Jeong? What do _I_ do?”

Jeongyeon badly needs to leave before she does something stupid. However, she gets fearless, letting the wind out of her throat. The impending vortex of destruction. Cups the girl’s cheeks, rubs her finger on delicate skin. “I will never get tired of you.”

Nayeon tastes like chocolates. The milky ones the same shade as her hair. Jeongyeon feels the other pair of lips replying to hers. Speaks to her in the language of love. She tastes like chocolates and cherries and regret. Mostly regret.

Jeongyeon’s eyes are hooded. Love is dizzy.

\--

Momo and Mina come, or came, in the picture like lightning. They flash before Jeongyeon’s eyes before she’s even ready. Mina shakes her hand when they first meet. She’s an actress and she’s pretty in all ways. Pretty nice, pretty smart, pretty _pretty_. Jeongyeon meets Momo when Mina introduces them to each other. It’s all at the same time. Momo waves and bows, says thank you for giving her girlfriend an opportunity. Jeongyeon laughs, she’s not the greatest director in the world.

Nayeon isn’t there. Jeongyeon pinches herself to stop thinking of her. Nayeon barely comes to her shoots because she has work and lessons. 

Mina is cyan in her mind. Reminds her of summer and friendship. She’s covered in a white sundress adorned with yellow daisies, hands with bracelets scanning through the pages of script. Jeongyeon could see Momo gawk from the corner of her eyes. She’s smiling like the crescent moon. Momo is magenta. Love and balance.

…

“Jeongyeon-ssi!” A shout echoes from the hallway. Breaking apart the repeating clangs of filming equipment Jeongyeon always hears. She turns back on her heels, her black boots squeak.

“Mina? Didn’t I tell you to drop the formalities already.” She rubs the back of her neck, chuckles awkwardly at Mina (and Momo) walking to her. 

“Momo wants to say something.”

Momo asks her if they could take her out for dinner. As a treat and a thank you for the day. She’s about to refuse but Momo and Mina are kind. Momo’s eyes are sparkling and precious, Mina’s smile reaches her eyes. Well, Jeongyeon needs something to destress her after the busy week, anyway. 

She accepts the offer. Because who turns down food? Not Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon hastily gets her stuff, says bye to the crew and they leave.

…

(Jeongyeon finds out that Momo is much more of a foodie than she is. There are two empty plates before her and a grain of rice stuck on the bottom of her chin.)

…

Momo asks Jeongyeon about her life. She doesn’t answer immediately, her eyes flicker from her phone to the table. It’s been hours and she hasn’t gotten a single text from Nayeon yet- not that it matters. (It does.) Nayeon has a life other than Jeongyeon, other than their own little world. 

“Nothing’s up, really. Just this director thing going on.” She shifts from her seat. Momo looks at Mina in growing panic. Jeongyeon laughs and reassures them that it’s okay to ask questions. 

They talk for a bit more. Momo and Mina are animated, in sync. Like they’ve known each other for their whole lives. It reminds Jeongyeon of her and Nayeon. Momo’s other hand is on top of Mina’s, they don’t look at each other, they’re a magnet. Their fingers slot perfectly together. Jeongyeon tastes something bitter at the back of her throat. She sees blue, no- not sadness. Blue in the way of the sky, in the way of the ocean. It pulls her to the ground and makes her sit and think and breathe. 

Momo goes to the bathroom, pausing their little talk about Momo’s dream of setting up a dance studio. It’s not impossible, they’re still young and capable. Mina smiles the whole time.

It’s quiet and Mina speaks up.

“Are you okay?” Mina’s voice is soothing, like the deep sea’s sirens, pries her from her thoughts and makes her hazy.

“I’m fine,” Jeongyeon taps her finger on the table. “I am, really. Thank you for inviting me out.”

“No, I mean. You look so out of it. Did we do something wrong-”

Jeongyeon’s voice is stern, “I’m okay, Mina.”

Her phone beeps. Jeongyeon tries not to act surprised, because it’s disrespectful to her. She doesn’t want to act like an asshole by seemingly being into her phone more than Momo and Mina. 

_Where are you?_

Jeongyeon reads it word by word, then again, and again, and again. Until her eyebrows crease and Mina starts coughing in front of her. She clicks the power button, her hand ghosts on what was supposed to be her keyboard. 

“Special someone?” 

“Hah. No,” It sounds wrong to both Jeongyeon and Mina. Jeongyeon waits for the claws to scratch on her throat, to slice off her tongue and shut her up.

Mina takes a sip of Momo’s beer, hands out her own untouched one to Jeongyeon. “Sounds like you need a drink, Jeongyeon-ssi.”

Tipsy Mina is different, Jeongyeon finds out. She doesn’t correct Mina about the formalities anymore because that’s not the point of the whole conversation. It scares her, how she’s possibly about to reveal her whole stupid thing with Nayeon to some person she only fully met three hours ago. She takes a leap of fate (takes the beer out of Mina’s hands) -- because it’s better to face your fears head-first -- and dives down to the waters til the Earth’s core. 

Momo comes back just at the beginning of Jeongyeon’s novel of _The Reasons Why You Should Not Fall In Love With Your Best Friend_ , and orders another bucket of alcohol when she sees Mina.

...

Momo and Mina are great listeners, not interrupting her even if they were drunk and out of their normal minds. Jeongyeon has only taken two bottles so far, which is a little anticlimactic as it’s supposed to be the other way around. She’s honest either way, though. Tells them the smallest of details but not a single clue about who Nayeon is and what she looks like. 

Jeongyeon stops talking near the end, looks at the two for a reply. Momo leans forward on the table. Her eyes are glowing and shiny.

“You’re in love with her.”

Mina is slumped against Momo’s shoulder and nods.

Momo continues, laughing this time, “It seems like she’s in love with you, too.”

It’s not that she hasn’t thought of it. In fact it’s a huge possibility. Nayeon loves her, yeah she knows that. They’re friends, it’s only healthy and proper for them to love each other. But Momo means something else, the type of love she and Mina have. The one Jeongyeon avoids like a virus.

Jeongyeon’s eyes twitch to her phone. 

“Jeongyeon-ssi,” Jeongyeon immediately hears the soft voice. Mina tries to sit up straight, a drunken smile plastered on her face, she hiccups in between words, “If it’s too much for you, why won’t you take a break?”

Her phone lights up, speaking of the devil. It’s a text from Nayeon but she’s too bothered to read it clearly. Mina’s voice rings in her ears, she might as well be a mermaid in her previous life.

There will never be too much Nayeon for her. She indulges in Nayeon. Nayeon is her lifeline. The constant Moon to her Earth. There’s a gravitational pull that tugs them together. Nayeon’s a drug. Her favorite pocky flavor. The candy she always buys. Nayeon’s the perfume that lingers throughout her. The quarks that build her up to become Jeongyeon because there are too much of them in each other.

She looks at Momo and Mina who are very much in love and goes _I think I do_ and it answers both questions.

(Momo laughs.)

**Author's Note:**

> by the way, the next words typed in after that "ending" is, i quote: 
> 
> "She brings a fucking fire extinguisher while jumping through the windows of her own home, rolling on the floor and sprays it on Nayeon's face.
> 
> Kidding. 
> 
> I DONT KNOW ANYMOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😭 "  
> 
> 
> so, um, yeah... sorry again...


End file.
